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stressedmomma
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Topic: angry, broke, & alone Posted: 18/April/2005 at 4:37pm |
I'm angry that I bought into this whole "build up your credit rating while you're a student" thing. Ha! Sure I built it, but after being unemployed for a while, could not service it and everything went into the toilet. Have you ever tried to do *anything* in this country without a credit card? It's like some disease, memetically transferred credit-rabies, and we're encouraged to get ill.
In the midst of dealing with the student loan debacle, I'm angry at myself for getting an education. I'm angry that I've done what was supposedly "the right thing" to make a better life for me and my kids. It does not seem any better. I know I am a broader person intellectually, and it has made it possible for me to get a better job - I'm making more money now than I ever have in my life - but I swear I had less stress 15 years ago, alternating between lousy jobs and social assistance. I'm STILL struggling to pay the bills, and not even completely servicing my debt!
How is anyone with a family supposed to be able to afford to get an education? If I can't find a way out of this, the debt will be with me until I die. Maybe I'll even pass it on to my children - I don't know how the estate laws work in Canada, either!
I just know I am sick and tired of stomach-gnawing, brain-numbing, body-aching, head-crunching stress. I'm sick of trying to hide in my room so the kids don't see me crying. I would like to pay the rent on time. I would like to tell my kids "yes" when they ask for new clothes. I would like to go to work without worrying that they will call when my boss is in my office. I would like to be able to explain to my boss why I can't book a hotel in my name for a business trip. Of course I can't - I don't have a valid credit card any more!
Sometimes I just want to collapse.
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silence2long
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Posted: 18/April/2005 at 5:17pm |
Stressed...
You do sound like you need a break from it all.........so take one.. for your own personal well-being and that of your kids.... trust me... you will feel better.
Don't beat yourself up over it......take care of today....and when you wake up tommorrow...take care of tommorrow.
We all would love to pay all of our bills on time....but some of the time it is impossible as things do arise. Just do what you can.....it will get better when you begin to look at it differently.
As for not having the credit card to secure a room....try not to fret about that either......been there.....and what seems to work for me is telling them I will be paying cash upon arrival. They normally say that they will only hold the room until like 6:00 pm...this leaves you with a few choices...get there before they give your room up...or...call if it is close and tell them you are on your way and have been held up.
Or if that fails.....simply tell them that you do not believe in credit cards..point blank....and that if they are not willing to accommodate you...you will take your business elsewhere.
Quite honestly....it gets easier the more times that you do it. Living without credit cards can be done....I feel like I have more money than when I had credit cards. I have been doing without them for 4 years now. There is no impulse overspending or brutal interest to contend with....
Everything that I purchase is paid for.... and I feel really good about that.....and the emergencies...I seem to get through them.
Like yesterday arriving home with my groceries only to discover that I need a new FRIDGE. Sure I freaked at first...need a fridge right??? Will I get through it.... sure I will...not exactly sure the day I will be getting a new one.... but I will. Did I feel this confident yesterday ?? No I did not.....but today is Monday.......and I love Mondays so I will get through with it.
YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOO !!!!!
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silence is a form of fear...fear of the unknown...has kept me silent too long
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pretzel_logic
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Joined: 15/February/2005
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Posted: 19/April/2005 at 12:27am |
Thanks to our kind-hearted government, we won't pass on the debt to our kids anymore. That is, except through a certain level of impoverishment when growing up, some undue exposure to stressful situations.
No thanks to our kind-hearted governement, the debt will likely be us 'til we die.
Seriously, I hope not. I got kids too. And understand this is not funny.
I would settle if they offered to settle, especially if their offer was within the ballpark ratio you mentioned, like 25-30% of the debt. I could live with that, over ten years, starting now.
But they never offer to settle, even though I communicate proof of hardship every year. They'd rather have my measly tax returns for ten years. They'd rather let the interest accumulate for ten years and cover a heftier bankruptcy in the end. They'd rather I'd be excluded and didn't contribute to the production/consumption process - in a word, live - for ten years.
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SolveStudentDebt
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Joined: 05/November/2003
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Posted: 19/April/2005 at 4:56am |
Pretzel,
Would you be interested in talking with me? If so, let me know.
866-239-7889
Johnny
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stressedmomma
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Posted: 19/April/2005 at 5:57am |
You know, I consider myself a pretty resilient person, usually. I have a high-stress threshold. I've raised a family alone. I've lived through some things no one should rightfully survive.
I believe in an abundant and caring Universe, since I now have ample evidence to support that. I think I would normally have the same reaction as you to your fridge situation: "I'll get through this. I'll find a way."
I guess it's that I've got 37 things I need to "find a way" around at the moment! This debt thing is at the core, since it's striking at the heart of my fears: not being able to care for my family.
Thanks for the reassurance about the inheritance! At least that's one thing...now I've only got 36!
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hunter
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Posted: 19/April/2005 at 5:59am |
silence2long
Please explain this ".....and I love Mondays so I will get through with it."
Personally I hate Mondays, it means back to the ole grindstone for another week.
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silence2long
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Posted: 19/April/2005 at 12:29pm |
stressed.....
Maybe I sounded a little light hearted in the above post...that the fridge was my only problem.???..........far from the truth. That was the deal of the day.....the how in the hell am I gonna solve this one... of the day......I am a magnet for financial hardship. I guess that was the point that I was trying to make....each day I look for the glue that will hold it all together. Sometimes when I dwell too long on the negatives in my life.....I have a good cry and a scream..... then I give my head a shake (because I am in no way a good state for anyone) and start counting my blessings.
Then I start counting them daily......it makes me feel better. They can be the smallest of things that I often take for granted.
Hunter,
I love Mondays......because I have programmed it into my brain to love them......it also makes the day go a lot better if I am feeling lighthearted and cheerful......hey gotta have a least one day that I try not to let things get to me....that is what the other 6 days are for. I love my job.....I guess that has something to do with it too. By the end of the work week I am reciting..."Thank GOD it is Friday!!"
I have noticed another thing about loving Mondays....... it either puts a smile on someone's face that hates them or they say under their breath...BIT**
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silence is a form of fear...fear of the unknown...has kept me silent too long
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stressedmomma
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Posted: 19/April/2005 at 3:01pm |
silence2long wrote:
Maybe I sounded a little light hearted in the above post...that the fridge was my only problem.???..........far from the truth.
....then I give my head a shake (because I am in no way a good state for anyone) and start counting my blessings.
Then I start counting them daily......it makes me feel better. They can be the smallest of things that I often take for granted |
I think I understand more what you meant by "getting through it". I've often felt like that magnet, too, and I've learned NEVER to ask myself what more could go wrong! I really hope that your fridge thing got cleared up?
And I know what you mean about counting the blessings. I was in quite a bad way last year and began writing miniscule ones down, just to get through the day. (Even going so specific as "I have nice shoulders.") I would sometimes write them on my palm in dark blue ink, which caused a few questions from my co-workers! But screw 'em. I'm just doing what it takes to get me through the night. :-)
Love the approach to Mondays, by the way. My sister used to always say, "If you can't change your situation, then change your attitude."
By the way, I'm grateful that I'm capable of smiling today!
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hunter
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Posted: 20/April/2005 at 6:39am |
My vehicle broke down on Monday and I am told it is going to cost $ 2,000 before it is back on the road again.
I hate Mondays!!!!!!! I repeat I HATE MONDAYS!
(ok, I feel a little better now)
Maybe next Monday will be better, but this one really sucked.
Today is looking a little better. I am fighting with the warranty people to fix some of it.
By the end of this week, I know I AM GOING TO LOVE FRIDAYS
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silence2long
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Posted: 20/April/2005 at 11:49am |
stressedmomma wrote:
By the way, I'm grateful that I'm capable of smiling today!
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now that sounds abit better.........hope that you are in the same way today.......
My mantra..........I will get through this....I will get through this.... I am grateful that I have my little freezer....as I am freezing blocks to stick in the damn fridge to keep things half ass cold....hmmm I wonder how long this could work for ?? .....Or should I say how long am I going to have to do this for?? LIFE COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE....
Hunter.........I would hate that freaking Monday too...for what it is worth .....I would have to go against the grain. You have me beat so far this week.....but hey it is far from over...
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silence is a form of fear...fear of the unknown...has kept me silent too long
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hunter
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Posted: 21/April/2005 at 4:31am |
Well at least one thing good did happen yesterday at my bfs dad's house, there was a baby calf born, and I have named her "HOPE".
Why, because yesterday when I really needed to feel some hope in my life, she was born.
I know sh*t happens, but the rest of the week is going to be better, I just feel it.
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hunter
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Posted: 21/April/2005 at 4:35am |
And by the way my vehicle is back on the road for now, only cost $ 400 but it needs the other $ 1600 in the next month. I am FIGHTING and I do mean that nicely with the warranty people.
But I am going to kick some serious a$$,and I know that I am going to win.
Why you ask?
Because NO ONE TELLS ME NO!!!
Not even the boyfriend.
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Casey
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Posted: 21/April/2005 at 11:33am |
The only way to manage living through this is "One Day at A Time". If
that's too much to handle than one hour or one minute at a time.
There is no point in worrying about what will happen. There is little
we have control over. Sh*t happens, the car will break down and I will
have to walk and bum rides until I can afford to fix it. The roof will
leak and need repairs. If I'm lucky I can get money to fix it from SA,
when they get around to it. In the mean time I'll do the best I can
with plastic and pots and pails... I survived the collectors, I can
make it
through this!
After existing with this for around 14 years, I living proof that you
can make it.. I'm not making any claim that it an easy ride, only that it can
be done. Hang on tight, you may not enjoy the roll-a-coaster ride but
you will survive!
Casey . . .
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stressedmomma
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Posted: 21/April/2005 at 4:28pm |
Casey,
There are some days when I have to go a minute at a time. Yesterday was one of those. (Bruised but not broken.)
All I can say is thank god(s) I still have a sense of humour!
I will survive, yes. Definitely. [Cue the disco music...]
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masy
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Posted: 25/April/2005 at 4:58am |
I don't have kids yet would like to. I can't even imagine how hard it is with a big loan on your back. I bet there are people out there who actually decide not to have children because of their student debt. Especially anyone living in Toronto, where day care is more than 600 a month. I can't even quit work to take care of kids because I need to make money to pay off my loan. Even if I worked part-time, it would still be about 300 a month to put one child in day care part-time. If I had a house, plus bills, plus property tax, plus my student debt, there is no way I could not work full time, even with kids. Even with my fiance's decent income I couldn't do it. Hopefully my mother can move in with us when we decide to buy a house and have kids, because at this point, it is the only way that we could have children, and it's all because of my student loan, which is more than 500 a month.
I know we have to pay it back and all, but why do they make it so difficult to manage? Why can't payments be based on your income? It is such a burden and for me (and I'm sure most people on this board), every life decision I make is influenced by my debt. I have at least 6 more years of this, and in 4 years I could, if I wanted to, file for bankruptcy, but I'd rather not.
As for living without credit, I'm used to it now and honestly, I feel good about that. I've developed a phobia of debt and practically have panic attacks just thinking about having a mortage in the future. At this point I never want to be in debt again.
Sorry for rambling, had too much coffee this morning...
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stressedmomma
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Posted: 25/April/2005 at 5:30am |
Masy,
I don't think you rambled at all. :-)
And I know what you mean about debt-phobia. I have it, too. My daughter is planning to go to Univ. and I will NOT let her get a loan. EVER. I don't care what we have to do.
Sadly, I also know what you mean about wondering if you could afford to have kids. But money isn't the only important thing about raising them. You can love them quite well without it. The stress of managing with few resources is the hardest part.
I never met anyone who decided not to have kids because of student loan debt, but you may be right. I know I've held back on becoming serious in relationships because of my debt, not wanting to bring it into the relationship, nor to start to try to build a life with someone from a place below zero! I hope I can let that one go. He'll have to be someone brave, I guess!
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hunter
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Posted: 25/April/2005 at 12:58pm |
stressed
Don't hold back on meeting someone cuz of your student loans, that is not living. Sure there are many frogs out there(lived with a few), but I have found my Prince.
And he loves me no matter what, and yes I have $ 38,000 in student loans.
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envirogirl
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Posted: 23/May/2005 at 3:01pm |
From another single mom:
My motto is "nobody dies if I don't pay my student loan". Continue to place your kids first. Children are very resilient, and can understand and accept your financial situation if you explain it to them. Mostly they need their Mom to be somewhat happy and relaxed. Your student loan does not make you a bad person, so try to limit the amount of worrying that you do over it.
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itsnotabox
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Posted: 31/May/2005 at 6:28am |
Momma........
I wanted to tell you..... I joined this site after reading your post so that i could send you a note... a cyber hug maybe???
Just to let u know that there are people who care..... and can empathize... you aren't alone even when you are.
XXOO
sister
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