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dujylyn 
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Joined: 23/February/2005
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 Topic: everything is broken
Posted: 28/September/2005 at 7:48am |
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well...thought I had a handle on all this. all those psych classes, you would think I could fix myself. I know about positive self-talk, etc,etc. went canoing last weekend, a little bird sat on my friend's finger, it was awesome. I have children, grandchildren and good friends, they are awesome. I know these are the important things in life, not that i owe what may as well be a million dollars....so why do I wake up crying in the middle of every night?
After filing for bankruptcy 2 years ago, my 3 student loans went to collections. I admit to having periods of denial and avoidance but have been attempting to deal with the collection agents in a calm and honest manner and can hold it together during the phone calls but end up a basket case after we hang up. I am currently unemployed but on call for work. have been doing this on call and temp positions for 2 years. it seems the only way to work my way to the position I want within this organization. i struggle to make the small payments that don't even begin to make a dent in the interest, never mind the principle. even when and if i finally get the permanent job, i won't earn enough to cover the 800 plus/month it would take to actually have a hope in hell of ever paying this thing off before i am too old to work.and, what nasty things will the collectors do to me then? so, overwhelmed? yeah. feeling stupid for being financially naive? yeah. bankruptcy seems the only viable option, credit is shot anyways but how to live, not just survive until 2013 with this albatross around my neck?
anyways, thank you for listening to my self pity rant...i'm off to commune with nature and meditate on being proactive. and, old hippy, if you are out there, glad to hear there are still some of us left. peace.
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if you cannot be a good example, you will just have to be a horrible warning
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SolveStudentDebt
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Joined: 05/November/2003
Location: Canada
Points: 5996
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Posted: 28/September/2005 at 11:27am |
To quote if I may:
"After filing for bankruptcy 2 years ago, my 3 student loans went to collections. I admit to having periods of denial and avoidance but have been attempting to deal with the collection agents in a calm and honest manner and can hold it together during the phone calls but end up a basket case after we hang up."
This is common in people who are suffering from financial stress and worries. An acceleration of this reaction occurs when the calls from collectors come about. The overwhelming feelings of worry and fear take over. Basically, it is a phobic stimulus that is being tweaked by the whole ordeal.
Target and procure the fear and things will be a lot better for you. Of course, having the debt removed would do the trick as well but we must be practical about this.
“even when and if i finally get the permanent job, i won't earn enough to cover the 800 plus/month it would take to actually have a hope in hell of ever paying this thing off before i am too old to work.and, what nasty things will the collectors do to me then? so, overwhelmed? yeah. feeling stupid for being financially naive? yeah. bankruptcy seems the only viable option, credit is shot anyways but how to live, not just survive until 2013 with this albatross around my neck?”
The student loan presents no physical threat to you. It is a number that is imposed upon you to repay by the government of Canada. It cannot harm you physically. If you feel that it is doing so, come to me and I will quickly remedy that fear of yours.
What you are describing is a common occurrence in the lives of so many people. It is terrible that you are left feeling hopeless. If there is anything I can do, let me know.
Johnny
www.cfwgroup.ca
www.cfwgroup.ca/forum
www.cfwgroup.ca/consumerforum
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Solve Student Debt specializes in solutions for students and graduates in student loan default, and those at risk of defaulting. solvestudentdebt.com
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old hippy
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Joined: 20/August/2005
Location: Canada
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Posted: 29/September/2005 at 1:22pm |
Hi dujylyn,
Yeah, I'm here. Sitting in a night class. We're on break right now. You can see what's important in life and that means a lot. You brought a tear to my eye. They've got to change that damn bankruptcy law for people like you (maybe me too). In the meantime, perhaps there is a way to keep the collectors away and only make payments that will not cause undue hardship. (Johnny?)
Peace and love dujylyn
Old Hippy
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SolveStudentDebt
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Posted: 29/September/2005 at 2:33pm |
It is not bankruptcy that has to change. It is the system that puts a stranglehold on the borrowing community. Bankruptcy is not the answer. If one feels that bankruptcy is their only salvation, then this is their decision.
There are ways to solve virtually anything that is problematic and stressful.
I cannot give advice or provide intervention services to someone unless they are a client, unfortunately.
Johnny
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Solve Student Debt specializes in solutions for students and graduates in student loan default, and those at risk of defaulting. solvestudentdebt.com
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basher13
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Joined: 06/August/2005
Location: Canada
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Posted: 29/September/2005 at 3:07pm |
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There would be no pleasure in this world, if
people were not familiar with pain.
And pain would not exist, if people were
not familar with pleasure.
The pornography industry is one of the most
profitable in the world, as it hinges on
the promise of pleasure provided to people.
The exercise and sports industry, is also
profitable, as it provides the pain that people
understand to be psychologically and instinctively
necessary for survival of the species.
Pleasure and pain, in this way, are the ying
and yang of live. Greed and fear are also
the dictomy that makes progress possible.
When someone is feeling the pain, or fear, it
means that tremendous pleasure or greed was
felt earlier.
When the government gave you a $40,000 lump
sum of cash (or loan) for you to spend,
that mountain of cash gave you a lot of pleasure...
and don't tell me it is not greedy to take $40,000
from a bank, and spend if on basket weaving in
university when everyone knows that there is no
job market for basket weaving (for example.)
People build their own prisons......in their own
minds.
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SolveStudentDebt
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Posted: 29/September/2005 at 3:23pm |
Just to let you and everyone else know ...
Many service packages we offer carry flexible payment options. So, you do not have to pay the fees all up front.
Also, we can provide service to you no matter where you live in the world. That is one of the conveniences - next to low costs. You do not have to leave your home or office to get help. It is VERY convenient.
If people require counseling without intervention, packages are available. If people require serious intervention to solve critical problems, we provide that as well.
A new forum has been built for people who suffer from consumer and retail debt crisis www.cfwgroup.ca/consumerforum. All forums are free to join and post. This forum covers a wide variety of consumer and retail debt issues, and even tax debt crisis issues. It is a one-stop shop.
There are also general workshop/forums for people who are trying to rebuild credit, and for those who are "fist-timers" looking to build a strong financial foundation and platform that will provide future strength and success. These are just a couple of wellness projects happening on the site.
If you/anyone requires help and wants to become a client and/or member, feel free to call toll free 866-239-7889.
Johnny
www.cfwgroup.ca/forum
www.cfwgroup.ca/forum
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Solve Student Debt specializes in solutions for students and graduates in student loan default, and those at risk of defaulting. solvestudentdebt.com
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old hippy
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Posted: 30/September/2005 at 5:30pm |
I’m in a fairly good space right now, but then I haven’t had any bad experiences with the system yet as far as repaying my student loan goes. But I do recall the stress, worry and sleepless nights that I experienced while I was still a student, living on that “mountain of cash” that amounted to about 12K a year. That must be below the poverty line or close to it but is still twice as much as general welfare assistance. After the school took their tuition fees off the top, before that money ever crossed my palm, there wasn’t a great deal remaining. Most of it went on the rent and sometimes there wasn’t enough for that and groceries, and then it became a toss up – do I eat or keep a roof over my head? I worked student jobs to supplement the student loan. The work study student jobs were the only jobs that I could find. Or I would have left the school…….which became my sanctuary.
So far, things have not been as bad as I had imagined them regarding the student loan. I have been taking things one step at a time. First, I signed the loan papers to “consolidate” my loans. That’s not something that I wanted to do, but it’s done. Then I was able to apply for Interest Relief. I’ve been struggling with unemployment and low paying jobs for years. My peer group are the ones who have been hanging on to their jobs for the past 20 years. There were many jobs for the taking 20 years ago and you didn’t need to have a university degree. I was too much of a free and restless spirit. Refused to sell out to the money god. No, I don’t regret that. To each his own. But I don’t think I need to be punished for that, and sometimes that’s what it feels like.
My fears began to ease when I came to this site and read posts like yours dujylyn. Not because I’m thinking – oh, there’s someone who’s worse off than I am. But because I had thought I was this ridiculous, bad person who had run up an incredibly large student loan and would be cast from society. But now I realize that there’s lots of us!!!
I’m going to be getting a little edgy when I start applying for this debt reduction thing. I guess that’s not an option for you dujylyn? I think I would probably seek help from Johnny if the worst came to the worst. He seems to be well-respected on this site. I don’t think I could handle collectors intruding into my world and hope it doesn’t come to that.
And as for you Basher13….You have serious issues. Apparently everything that Poly and Mark had to say to you went in one ear and out the other.
Old Hippy
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polyhymnia61
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Joined: 10/January/2003
Location: Netherlands
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Posted: 01/October/2005 at 9:24pm |
That's how he gets his rocks off, oldhippy, trying to start something.
Notice nobody's paying attention anymore.
Glad you're in a good place...Take care!
Poly
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administrator
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Posted: 02/October/2005 at 1:05am |
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According to basher13's birth date, he/she is too young to have a student loan, let alone be out of high school... or even vote...
Writing style reminds me of someone we all know...
Mark
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pretzel_logic
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Joined: 15/February/2005
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Posted: 03/October/2005 at 1:35am |
Of course, it's my fault. It could have been avoided, had I possessed more maturity and enjoyed better guidance at the time of my studies. But if this was a regular penitentiary, I'd be out by now. Hell, I'd be even pardoned by now, for far more serious crimes. And you know it.
More Bill C-55 blatter set for today in the House Of Commons. Most in there agree the changes are a good thing, from what I could tell. And they do take their time to let us know how they feel about it. But as long as they don't turn around and vote against it at the last minute, this should be a done thing by early 2006.
Then for me, it will have been eight years of that needless cheese and macaroni limbo business...
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dujylyn
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Posted: 03/October/2005 at 5:31am |
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Hi everyone, All of your comments and support are much appreciated. even you, little basher. I learned the art of basket weaving many years before entering university, so majoring in that would have been redundant. enough said, don't wanna risk re-inforcing your behavior.
Johnny, thanks for clarifying your services and fees. I have considered becoming a client but did not know how I could afford it. It is good to know that there is some flexibility in this regard next time i feel like everything is broken. For the moment, simply posting about how i was feeling with people who understand has been helpful to my state of mind. It's amazing how breaking the silence about our fear and yes, shame, can empower us. I guess i was feeling physically threatened by all this...thanks for turning the light on.
Old Hippy, glad you are in a good space. Maybe, discovering this site will help you to avoid some of the pitfalls. by the way, i have found that tye-dying stuff is an excellent stress release. my place is beginning to look like a dead head convention was held here, but what the hay, it's bright and cheery....might have to include dye on my next expense sheet.
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if you cannot be a good example, you will just have to be a horrible warning
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old hippy
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Posted: 03/October/2005 at 11:04am |
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Rock on....
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pretzel_logic
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Posted: 06/October/2005 at 1:30am |
In the immortal words of a liberal backbencher:
"Bill C-55 will help thousands of Canadians who must rely on a fair and effective insolvency system to deal with the situation of financial distress.[...] It is quite clear that this legislation is of interest to a very large number of Canadians. I am convinced that Bill C-55 deserves the full support of the House. I urge that the bill proceed expeditiously to the committee review stage."
He said "pronto".
And so it is written. And so it shall be referred to the commitee on Science Technology and all that stuff. Things are finally moving. Changes that concern us all to a degree are about to be implemented. For the record, in this case, it took seven years or so for a reversal of an unfair law and an admission of guilt by the legislator. Still, I'd be curious to know how many many lives were ruined or even lost to this sorry state of affairs regarding student financing over the years. We got a few illustrations of the depth of the mess on this forum. There are many stories that may never be told though , in the end.
And if Provincial governments want to avoid a surge in student bankruptcy by clearing student debt right away with a portion of their budget surpluses (hello alberta) and looking good in the process - they are welcome to do so, of course. BC rules absolute now. Others should really follow the example it sets. Education of our citizens should really be free and accessible, as a matter of principle.
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boopei
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Posted: 05/January/2008 at 1:21pm |
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I feel the pain of everyone dealing with student loans. After working 2 years in a job that was semi-related to my career, at 26 years old I met someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. What does this have to do with student loans???? Well, he's a teacher, with over $85,000 to pay back in loans, with his loan payments and car payment, it leaves him with about $200 a month for living expenses.
That's tons of money to rent an apartment, pay for utilities, etc, isn't it? oh, and did I mention that we're living with his parents, because right now, with my own student loans, and other bills (car, phone) etc, and being homesick (moved from PEI to NS), we can't AFFORD to do anything else.
I have a unique situation in where I fought to get my student loans in the first place, only to get them the END of my first year of my course, after I had to start working full time to pay for living expenses. So of course, I had to pay the school, but because of missed time, because of $0 to pay for living expenses.. I had to start from scratch.
I just feel very overwhelmed because we're getting on into our late 20's, where we'd love to settle down, and have a family. But, as I see it now, he's got 10-15 years to try to pay off his loans, and by that time, its going to be too late to have children.
Nevermind the fact that I'd love to put the credits I have towards upgrading/changing my career so that I can get better pay, better benefits etc, instead of working in a call center trying to pay the bills, because there is nothing in my field.
There's others in the same boat as me, and I don't know how you do it, at all. I find it very difficult to find the bright side of things, when you are paying enough money out /month to have a $400,000 home, but have nothing.
Sorry for the rant, I'm just feeling.. hopeless. If there was a magic button to push to clear it all, I would, and would do it for so many others. It's a shame that it feels so much like we're being punished for being educated.
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paulaffleck
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Posted: 07/January/2008 at 7:23am |
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Unfortunately, your choice of mate includes his financial burdens. The choice is hard, but simple. Either your love for him is stronger than your desire to avoid a prolonged period of financial struggle, or you end the relationship.
We're not being punished for being educated, we just owe a lot of money. The reality is that you can't have a long-term relationship without long-term financial health.
The good news is, there's probably a person out there who is just as great and has his financial affairs in order. I don' t mean to be harsh, but isn't it better to confront it now, rather than having kids and being REALLY in financial trouble?
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old hippy
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Posted: 08/January/2008 at 12:24am |
 paulaffleck wrote:
The reality is that you can't have a long-term relationship without long-term financial health. |
Ouch! That leaves boopei looking for a man who has money. I can't agree that money (lack of debt) buys a long-term relationship. There must be an better way than dumping a debt-ridden partner. 
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paulaffleck
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Posted: 09/January/2008 at 8:11am |
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Who said money buys a relationship? That debt destroys one, is my point. I speak from experience - and it was my debt, not my partner's. Show me a household in constant debt, and I will show you two unhappy people. Show me two unhappy people and I will show you something doomed.
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old hippy
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Posted: 10/January/2008 at 9:54am |
I'm sorry if that has been your experience Paul, but I can't believe that all student loan borrowers are destined to be alone, unloved and only available for short term relationships until they clear up their debts. That just sounds like another horrible collections technique.
I'm in a long-term relationship with someone who helped me carry my bags home from the food bank and had some amazing recipes to share. Some people are easier to share poverty with than others I guess. Although $65,000 in debt - I have a little depressive moment from time to time, but I'm still reasonably happy as I won't allow a broken student loan system/bank/government to control my life and certainly not to the extent where I'd plan a relationship around them.
I've seen many, many long-term relationships fall apart especially after achieving financial health and beginning a family, and then there's child support and alimony payments to replace the student loans.
Feel free to rant all you like boopei. On the upside - you're only 26, and you've found someone you want to "spend the rest of your life with" - that doesn't sound like you "have nothing".
Hope things have improved for dujylyn, who originally began this thread...last I heard she had contacted Johnny.
I'm hoping for change...listening to old Beatles tunes and playing with the heart icons and I do agree that poverty sucks.
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paulaffleck
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Posted: 15/February/2008 at 6:31am |
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Actually, I'm not sorry that it's been my experience - quite the contrary. Life is good, and debt load is part of that. Learning to deal with it is hardly a bad thing.
Debt creates psychological pain, and life with pain is harder. Life with less pain is easier.
-Paul
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administrator
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Posted: 17/February/2008 at 8:19am |
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I tend to agree with Paul... But I dont think he was implying that money can buy a relationship..
Since most couples fight the most over money, financial health (agreeing on what to and what not to spend on) is so important. Clearly student loans bring what we would call financial baggage into the relationship - and it appears that if you get married, it can affect your ability to get interest relief... Its not about how much money you have but agreeing on what you will do with it and planning for the future..
Check out www.educationalpolicy.org/pdf/LoveUBrad.pdf
And if you can be happy being single, then you have a much better chance of being successful in a relationship.
"Marriage is like two people jumping into a swimming pool. At any given time someone has to hold onto the side."
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Mark OMeara
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everything is broken